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Screwtape's evil twin

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(no subject) [Aug. 15th, 2009|12:14 am]
Screwtape's evil twin
I've always been anxious ever since childhood. You'd think by now the sick feeling of fear in my stomach would be comforting. Maybe it is a little bit.

My legs are shaking, my gut clenching and un-clenching involuntarily and my heart speeding up. I guess anything really worth doing is scary. I think I must believe this because when I get this feeling I always dive right in. I think it pays off more often than not.



Note to self: I'm sleeping in tomorrow. As late as I want!
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(no subject) [May. 12th, 2009|10:04 pm]
Screwtape's evil twin
HELP
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(no subject) [May. 8th, 2009|09:12 am]
Screwtape's evil twin
I took my hot water bottle to school yesterday. It was good.

Joy for small pleasures.
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string theory [May. 6th, 2009|12:20 am]
Screwtape's evil twin
So I used to have a theory about the cosmic fishing line. I used to think that there were people in the world who were tied together by cosmic fishing line. Even before they met in life. So at any point in their lives that they crossed paths the fishing line was there and beckoning them together. That any problem between them could be sorted out because the line held them together.

Then I realised this isn't the case, it's too close to the idea of fate or destiny for my logical, pragmatic mind and I substituted it for a theory in which a romantic relationship between any two people can be sustained with enough selfless commitment. Relationships are nothing more than the sum of both person's actions. I think most people would find this a bit unsexy but I have a fondness for it.

Tonight my Dad told me his theory which turns out to be a nice amalgamation of both. I'll call it the tiny thread theory. He says: Sometimes you feel a tiny thread pulling you towards someone and when they're away you feel sad because there's no one at the end of your thread and then they come back and you feel better that they're around. From there the way you act towards each other can protect the thread, support it and strengthen it or conversely fray, weaken or cut the thread. That the thread's size and strength is mutable was a revelation to me.

So for the moment I think I will subscribe to this last one.
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(no subject) [May. 2nd, 2009|12:09 am]
Screwtape's evil twin
When did I become a shit person?
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(no subject) [Apr. 25th, 2009|11:24 am]
Screwtape's evil twin
Speaking of unhealthy relationships... I am ending my unhealthy obsession with keeping EVERYTHING. Amongst the usual clutter of a pack rat such a train tickets, movie tickets, millions of scraps of paper with 'important' things scrawled illegibly on them, I found more ridiculous things- I had lovingly kept a receipt for a $5 meal at the lansdowne a year ago, little tubs of paint i had mixed up for an artwork in year 12 (7 years ago!!) and no doubt I will continue to find many such useless things.

But from this day forth I will not let these things clutter my life anymore. I will throw out train tickets, movie tickets and receipts for pub meals GUILT FREE!!
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(no subject) [Apr. 19th, 2009|04:10 pm]
Screwtape's evil twin
I don't want to use words at the moment.Collapse )
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(no subject) [Apr. 2nd, 2009|10:25 pm]
Screwtape's evil twin
Do you know what cheers me up when I am glum??

ME.

I can be so cute sometimes. When I read my jounral back I find all these unexpectedly cute entries with poems and funny pictures that I don't remember drawing.
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Life is better in my subconcious [Mar. 25th, 2009|06:56 pm]
Screwtape's evil twin
Somehow in the few moments sleep I got last night I had a dream that i had stumbled upon an old film I had made when I was younger and when I rewatched it I realised it was genius and somehow I had forgotten all about it. It was feature length and very clever and involved a bunny and I was so proud of it I wanted to show everyone. Oh i wish I couldd remember more so i couldd film it and then have a clever feature length film about a bunny to my name that I could be proud of.
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(no subject) [Mar. 24th, 2009|09:00 am]
Screwtape's evil twin
I feel like inside my head I'm making progress but the outside world just keeps getting more messy so I can't keep up. When other people aren't involved I know just whats going on but people complicate things so terribly.

A hour out of sydney felt so far removed. Sitting on a rock at Umina without a phone and no one knowing where I was felt like I might as well have been on another planet. Just think- for an hour or more no one could contact me. Ooooh. I hummed to myself and looked at my legs and thought about how the feeling of being at the beech is even nicer than the view.

I put nail polish on a week ago but I don't have any nail polish remover. When I'm anxious I pick at it (a lot recently) but then I have to repaint the missing bits because I can't remove the remaining bits. Cyclic.

Speaking of which I'm going to cycle tomorrow. With my new rear view mirror.
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