| (no subject) |
[Dec. 9th, 2009|11:14 pm] |
So this is where the shipwreck landed me. After years at sea the brave, sad, tired, scared, happy, quizzical, expectant, wishful, terrified, relentless explorer was washed up on the beach of contentment. The perfect calm only broken by the gentle whisper of hopefulness rustling through the trees. It was nothing like her homeland. It wanted for nothing. Solitude and support, gratitude and indifference, contemplation and action all doled out in their proper measure.
And the brave, sad, tired, scared, happy, quizzical, expectant, wishful, terrified, relentless explorer clambered ashore and found a soft grassy patch from which she could sit and watch the beach and and the clouds and rustle of the hopefulness in the trees. |
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| drawings |
[Oct. 25th, 2009|10:22 pm] |
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I've recently decided to keep a separate blog for my drawings rather than burying them away on friends only lj posts. At the moment its mostly stuff I've transferred over from my lj archive and a few new things I've done recently. If you'd like to look at it just drop me an email (ljname @ gmail dot com) and I'll send you the link. I know it's a funny way to do it but it's still new and it's nice to know who's interested. |
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| A remarkable thing is going to happen. |
[Sep. 30th, 2009|11:58 pm] |
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My mind is so absorbent at the moment. I am devouring books and ideas and music in a way I can't recollect ever having done before. I'm on a slow boil to something fantastic. |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 26th, 2009|11:05 am] |
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*Insert a cute little drawing of a sad girl with black spikey hair jumping though many hoops in a large and chaotic obstacle course.* |
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| Can I ask a favour? |
[Sep. 23rd, 2009|08:58 am] |
I'm trying to help out a friend who is designing a costume for a character who is a man but wears a skirt. I have lots of images in my head of guys who wear skirts but they are people I've known in real life so I don't have any photos to show her.
Can anyone help me by directing me to images of regular everyday guys wearing skirts. Quick google search brings up high fashion stuff but I'm looking for everyday wear.
Anna do you remember the punk we met on the train from the central coast?? Don't suppose you took a photo....? |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 12th, 2009|09:33 pm] |
Today: saw me tackling a double scoop icecream in the sun like a kid at a theme park. Wait I *was* a kid at a theme park.
Tonight: drawing and soaking up new songs while waiting for company to arrive. The way I like it. A little me time, a little other people time.
Quote: "This diary is my kief, hashish, and opium pipe. This is my drug and my vice.... all matter must be fused this way through the lens of my vice or the rust of living would slow down my rhythm to a sob." |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 12th, 2009|12:47 am] |
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I have taken to sneaking off from school and going to the ocean. I don't tell anyone where I am going. I just disappear and while everyone else works I soak up the sun, read a book or listen to music. Oh life- you are just too great to spend inside. |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 24th, 2009|10:49 pm] |
A ponder: Whats the opposite of 'surviving'?
Is it living or is it dying? Or is it both? ...in which case living and dying are then synonymous. |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 23rd, 2009|12:11 am] |
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Freedom smells like cigarettes and tastes like red wine it feels like a cool breeze through a flimsy dress and today I saw you again and I realised that- as suspected but not quite believed- you are not immune from getting old. I wish we could time travel so 24 year old me could meet 27 year old you. Or maybe 10 year old both of us. Anyway time is done now so rock on you with your blue sweater and fancy footwork. xx |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 15th, 2009|12:14 am] |
I've always been anxious ever since childhood. You'd think by now the sick feeling of fear in my stomach would be comforting. Maybe it is a little bit.
My legs are shaking, my gut clenching and un-clenching involuntarily and my heart speeding up. I guess anything really worth doing is scary. I think I must believe this because when I get this feeling I always dive right in. I think it pays off more often than not.
Note to self: I'm sleeping in tomorrow. As late as I want! |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 8th, 2009|09:12 am] |
I took my hot water bottle to school yesterday. It was good.
Joy for small pleasures. |
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| string theory |
[May. 6th, 2009|12:20 am] |
So I used to have a theory about the cosmic fishing line. I used to think that there were people in the world who were tied together by cosmic fishing line. Even before they met in life. So at any point in their lives that they crossed paths the fishing line was there and beckoning them together. That any problem between them could be sorted out because the line held them together.
Then I realised this isn't the case, it's too close to the idea of fate or destiny for my logical, pragmatic mind and I substituted it for a theory in which a romantic relationship between any two people can be sustained with enough selfless commitment. Relationships are nothing more than the sum of both person's actions. I think most people would find this a bit unsexy but I have a fondness for it.
Tonight my Dad told me his theory which turns out to be a nice amalgamation of both. I'll call it the tiny thread theory. He says: Sometimes you feel a tiny thread pulling you towards someone and when they're away you feel sad because there's no one at the end of your thread and then they come back and you feel better that they're around. From there the way you act towards each other can protect the thread, support it and strengthen it or conversely fray, weaken or cut the thread. That the thread's size and strength is mutable was a revelation to me.
So for the moment I think I will subscribe to this last one. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 2nd, 2009|12:09 am] |
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When did I become a shit person? |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 25th, 2009|11:24 am] |
Speaking of unhealthy relationships... I am ending my unhealthy obsession with keeping EVERYTHING. Amongst the usual clutter of a pack rat such a train tickets, movie tickets, millions of scraps of paper with 'important' things scrawled illegibly on them, I found more ridiculous things- I had lovingly kept a receipt for a $5 meal at the lansdowne a year ago, little tubs of paint i had mixed up for an artwork in year 12 (7 years ago!!) and no doubt I will continue to find many such useless things.
But from this day forth I will not let these things clutter my life anymore. I will throw out train tickets, movie tickets and receipts for pub meals GUILT FREE!! |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 2nd, 2009|10:25 pm] |
Do you know what cheers me up when I am glum??
ME.
I can be so cute sometimes. When I read my jounral back I find all these unexpectedly cute entries with poems and funny pictures that I don't remember drawing. |
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| Life is better in my subconcious |
[Mar. 25th, 2009|06:56 pm] |
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Somehow in the few moments sleep I got last night I had a dream that i had stumbled upon an old film I had made when I was younger and when I rewatched it I realised it was genius and somehow I had forgotten all about it. It was feature length and very clever and involved a bunny and I was so proud of it I wanted to show everyone. Oh i wish I couldd remember more so i couldd film it and then have a clever feature length film about a bunny to my name that I could be proud of. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 24th, 2009|09:00 am] |
I feel like inside my head I'm making progress but the outside world just keeps getting more messy so I can't keep up. When other people aren't involved I know just whats going on but people complicate things so terribly.
A hour out of sydney felt so far removed. Sitting on a rock at Umina without a phone and no one knowing where I was felt like I might as well have been on another planet. Just think- for an hour or more no one could contact me. Ooooh. I hummed to myself and looked at my legs and thought about how the feeling of being at the beech is even nicer than the view.
I put nail polish on a week ago but I don't have any nail polish remover. When I'm anxious I pick at it (a lot recently) but then I have to repaint the missing bits because I can't remove the remaining bits. Cyclic.
Speaking of which I'm going to cycle tomorrow. With my new rear view mirror. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 9th, 2009|08:57 am] |
Given the last few days, tonight I found myself feeling particularly feeling self constructive. Unprepared, I dashed out into the night.
I wandered the dark streets purposefully. Before long I found myself perched precariously on the edge of the highest bench I could find. I looked out over the city and thought about all the people who didn’t even know I was there- who didn’t care. I thought about the loneliness, about how wonderful it felt... to be the only person in the park.
The wind rushed at my face making me teeter on the edge. The rain hit me softly like the spray from a ferry.... or a million tiny kisses. Finally when I had done all I could I took a deep breath and jumped... onto the grass. |
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object001's journal